Hi! Quick heads up - this song is really heavy and so is the backstory I want to share with it. If you’re in a spot where that might not be best for you - feel free to skip this one!
Almost 2 years ago, I was faced with the daunting task of restarting my life. That restart was accompanied by the most paralyzing fear I've ever experienced, out of which came, what I call, the most vulnerable song I’ve ever written.
I wrote The Bullet 2 months after leaving a cult, I was celebrating Christmas (which I had previously given up celebrating), trying to get everyone to start calling me by my birth name again (which was more difficult than I expected), and I was on a slough of different medications while my psychiatrist was trying to tame PTSD symptoms that would not ease up.
I had spent the last 4 years being told who I was, what I believed, what to do, who to be friends with, who not to speak to - the list could go on for hours. All of a sudden, I had no identity - I didn’t even know what to call myself. I was terrified to go anywhere or do anything. I was lost and confused, but for the first time in years, I was genuinely angry - and no one was there to say I couldn’t be.
I was given a second chance at life (quite literally), and now that there was a life beyond my 24th birthday, I was paralyzed. Who am I if not a sacrifice? Who am I if not the girl saving the world?
This song, if you are interested in the storyline of these, this song was written at the same time as “It’s Just”, and directly hooks into “Me, Jesus, American Spirits”, which was written shortly after about struggling with my newfound faith when I had so many old habits from my previous lifestyle.
If you think that you or someone you love might be in a high control group (cult), there are resources for you out there. More importantly, there is a life for you beyond this.
I hope you like the song! Presave Idaho, it’s out May 2nd, here’s the link.
I love you because you exist,
Faith
Share this post